


Don't Tell Mom

by AliceSloane13



Category: The Devil Wears Prada (2006)
Genre: Don't Stop Me Now, Don't ask where this came from, Don't stop believing, F/F, baby baby, don't tell mom the babysitter's dead, i didn't mean for stanley tucci to say touche, i don't know what i'm doing either, i never asked you to whisk the couch, ice ice baby, it happened and this was already crack, just go with it and pretend like i'm not an idiot, stop in the name of love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 16:46:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19772326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliceSloane13/pseuds/AliceSloane13
Summary: Andy gets in a good mood at work--for a change--and decides to torment Emily for the afternoon.(needs a better title... I'm still thinking...)





	Don't Tell Mom

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully, this will not deter you from reading, but I need to point out a couple of things. 
> 
> Eduardo is from the books and yes he does make her do this, but it's more obvious, longer, and she has to act them out. If you have not seen Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead I don't know how humorous (if at all) this will be. Please still read! If something doesn't make sense, it's probably a quote from the movie. Finally, I know the jokes are too on the nose, but like... it was fun to write? I make no apologies.

Eduardo, who never ran out of songs, Andy realized, was starting to see her as a challenge.

She was too busy to resist and had started to sing along before he'd even leave off for her to continue. The game was now too easy. No longer did he make her act out the songs, but he'd upped the ante. He was giving her less and less to go on, still expecting her to sing. Sometimes it was only one or two lines of the song. Some days were easier than others. Some days, however, she couldn't think past the next three tasks she had to get through.

Walking into the building, Andy sighed as she spotted him waiting for her directly at the turnstile. He had that smug look on his face, and she knew that he was in the mood to toy with her.

" _ Stop _ ," he dramatically said, before pausing.

One word? She wanted to climb over the turnstile and strangle him. Andy rolled her eyes instead. "In the name of love?"

He shook his head.

"I'm in a hurry," she said, hoping he'd take pity on her just this once. When he just shrugged with a disappointed look, she racked her brain for another one. "...  _ believing, hold on to that fee-eeling _ ?" she tried.

"Try again," he said, turning to walk away.

She wondered if he was genuinely trying to get her fired. "...  _ me now 'cause I'm having a good time. I'm having a ball _ ." She wasn't. At all. She'd already pissed off Miranda twice, and Emily once. Count on Eduardo to rub it in.

"Still no," he said, not even bothering to turn around.

" _ Collaborate and listen _ ?" she tried, having to talk a little louder now that he was walking away.

Eduardo turned slightly, looking at her over his shoulder.

Andy scrambled, trying to think of the next part. " _ Ice is back with my brand new invention _ ," she sang, getting slightly into it. It was a stupid song, but she couldn't help but feel a little nostalgic. She stopped, and he stopped walking. 

"Fuck," she said, continuing to glance around herself nervously. She had finally started to earn a slight amount of–well, it wasn't respect, but maybe a little dignity. 

" _ Something grabs a hold of me tightly. Then I flow that a harpoon daily and nightly. Will it ever stop? Yo, I don't know. Turn off the lights and I'll glow. _ " She could feel her cheeks burning and wondered how, after all the humiliation she'd been through recently, this was getting to her.

"I'll let you in just for that, but still wrong," he said.

"Thank you," Andy said, sliding past the security gate. She made it a few steps before turning around. "Wait. What was it then?" she hated herself for asking, but it was going to bug her all day.

Eduardo grinned and began to sing. "... for a minute. Baby, I'm so glad you're mine."

"Really?" Andy said with a laugh. "Okay, fair enough. You owe me though," she said, attempting to point at him with her full hands.

"Andrea," he said calmly. "Don't feel overwhelmed. Just do one thing at a time." He winked at her and turned back towards the lobby. "Have a  _ swell  _ day."

* * *

She was half an elevator ride up the building before she realized he had been quoting at her. Or at least she thought he had. There was something in the way his tone had changed. Besides, she knew  _ that _ movie from start to finish.

Stepping off the elevator, Andy grinned. She wasn't going to let this good mood go to waste. Heading towards Miranda's office, she placed a coffee on Emily's desk as she breezed past. She didn't even stop to enjoy the surprised look on the other woman's face. It wasn't the first time she'd gotten Emily coffee, but it was the first time she'd done it without asking her if she wanted anything on her way out.

It was well after lunch before Andy got to put her plan to work. The phone rang, and Andy jumped at the chance to answer it before Emily could. They usually spent a few seconds glaring at each other until one of them took the call. "Miranda Priestley's office?" Andy answered with a smirk.

"I have some clothes for you," Nigel informed her. He'd been setting aside more and more things for her lately–on the solemn oath she didn't tell anyone he was giving her dibs.

"Nope. Everything's fine here," Andy said, silently thanking that it was Nigel and it was the perfect opportunity to screw around.

"You don't want them?" he asked in confusion.

"Miranda? No. She's not here right now," Andy said, watching as Emily's head snapped up. The other woman glanced at the office, wondering if somehow, she'd missed Miranda leaving. Their boss was sitting at her desk, busily working on... something. She turned back to Andy and raised her hands in the air, mouthing, “ _ What the fuck are you talking about _ ?”

Before he could ask her what she was talking about, she continued. "She's actually at the yarn store," she said with just the right amount of disbelief and seriousness. "I know," she said after a brief pause.

Emily put the heel of her hand against her forehead and closed her eyes in frustration. She didn't know who Andy was talking to, but there was no way this was going to end well.

"You're tormenting Emily, aren't you?" Nigel asked with a heavy sigh. "I'll swing by later. How is this playing out exactly?"

"Yeah, well, she's having Emily crochet this massive doily for her couch."

"You are a strange, strange girl Andrea Sachs," he said with a laugh. "Try not to kill her. She really is a kitten inside."

Andy laughed, both at Nigel's words and Emily's face. "I highly doubt that, but I'll try to remember that. Thank you," she said, hanging up. It took everything in her not to meet Emily's eyes or start laughing.

"What are you doing?" Emily hissed at her once she'd hung up.

Finally, Andy looked up, her demeanor and tone perfectly innocent. "Answering the phone," she said, and then looked back to her computer. She almost lost it when she heard Emily muffle a scream of frustration.

* * *

It was another twenty minutes before she got to continue.

"I'll be out for an hour or so. Hold my calls and reschedule the rundown for this evening," Miranda announced, not offering any time frame or details.

Emily's eyes widened. She almost preferred telling everyone the rundown had been pushed up. This evening could literally mean any time in the vague future. The only thing certain was that it meant the entire staff would be hanging around the office after hours for who knew how long.

"Oh," Miranda said, turning back around but still looking at neither of them directly. "I expect the book to be ready by then and I'll take it with me. That's all."

As Emily scrambled for the phone to start making calls, Andy waited just a few seconds before responding. "I'm right on top of that, Rose," she called after the older woman. Slyly, she watched Emily out of the corner of her eye. The other woman jolted in what seemed like recognition, but she was quickly distracted by whoever had answered the phone.

Picking up the phone, Andy took her own half of the list of people needing to be informed and began making calls. She'd have to try again later. While she was glad she got to use the heavy hitter, she was disappointed that it had come at such a busy moment. She might have just wasted the best line.

* * *

After some time, Nigel came up with the book and several bags full of goodies. "I brought you some knitting needles," he said without a beat, handing Emily the book and three of the bags.

"For you," he said, walking over to Andy with the other two. Stopping in his tracks, he cocked his head. "Why are you wearing a name tag?"

Andy shrugged. "She says she has trouble remembering things," she said, not clarifying if she meant Miranda or Emily. "We're supposed to wear them at all times."

"I see," Nigel said, handing over the bags. "Well, here you go.” He turned on his heel to leave. “Rock and roll, ladies." He threw them a devil's horn gesture over his shoulder without missing a beat.

Andy was beaming and silently thanking him for playing along.

* * *

When Miranda returned, Emily rose and handed her the book. Glad to have some good news and accomplished task for a change. Miranda just nodded her mild satisfaction before shutting her door and tuning the rest of the world out.

Ever since her phone call with Nigel, Andy realized that Emily was now racing her to answer the phones. No longer trusting her to be professional. If she'd caught on to her game yet, Emily showed no signs other than that brief moment earlier in the day.

"Oh no," Emily said, as she hung up the phone.

Andrea hadn't been paying attention to what she'd been saying and wondered what she'd miss. "Who was that?"

The redhead had lost all color in her face. "No. No, no, no." She looked up at Miranda's desk and winced.

"Em?" Andy asked, truly worried about her friend. "What is it?"

Emily rose to her feet, grabbed one of Miranda's discarded magazines, and walked over to Andy's desk. "The twins skipped out on the nanny and ended up caught shoplifting," she hissed.

Andy could see her hands trembling and almost reached out to her. She could see Emily spiraling towards a full-blown panic. What she wasn't expecting was a copy of Vogue shoved in her direction.

"Cate Blanchett face up?" Emily asked, voice trembling in desperation.

Andy was inwardly cheering that Emily had caught on but knew it wasn't the time. It was just hard not to be excited by the fact that she had gotten Emily to play along, especially at such a desperate moment. 

She had been positive that Emily, like her, had probably seen the movie a million times growing up. They were about the same age, and Andy figured Emily had been born obsessed with fashion.

She almost offered to just tell Miranda herself, but Emily gestured with the magazine once more. Nodding, Andy accepted. She grabbed the magazine, flipped it in the air, and breathed a small sigh of relief when it landed face down.

"I got this," she said, squeezing Emily's arm reassuringly as she passed. She most certainly didn't have this, but someone had to tell Miranda.

* * *

As the office quieted, nearly everyone–including Miranda gone–Andrea was happy to still be alive. She'd endured Miranda's wrath and was almost done with her work for the day. She'd even had time to take a peek at what Nigel had brought her.

"Dishes are done," Emily announced, closing the last file on her desk. She raised a challenging eyebrow at Andy but refused to smile.

"Emily," Andrea said dreamily. She leaned heavily on one arm and sighed. "You're my moon goddess."

Rolling her eyes, Emily turned off her computer and stood up. She gathered her things and without another word left, nearly trampling Nigel on her way out.

"So," Nigel said, leaning against Andy's desk. "Fun day?"

"Lovely," Andy said with a roll of her eyes. She spent the next few minutes telling him about the twins. As she started to answer his questions about Emily, her phone rang. She held up a hand and answered. "Miranda Priestley's office?"

"Andrea, tell me," Emily said, voice low and husky. "Have you ever had a 48-hour orgasm."

Andy felt her cheeks flush, and her eyes widened. She knew it was entirely because of how lustful Emily sounded and nothing to do with the question. She didn't allow herself to be caught up though, and not missing a beat responded. "No, I've never been to Santa Barbra."

Emily laughed, and the elevator dinged in the background. "Alright, I'll admit your little game today was... amusing."

"I knew you had fun," Andy said grinning.

"I said it was amusing. That's all." She paused for a moment, and Andy briefly wondered if she'd hung up. "I was thinking. Since I know you don't have any plans, would you like to..." she hesitated.

"Come over and have a movie night? Absolutely."

"That's not what I," Emily quickly said, but had no real response. It was exactly what she meant.

"I'll bring the popcorn," Andy said, hanging up before Emily could argue.

She looked up and found Nigel looking at her expectantly. "What?"

"Well, have you?"

"Have I what?" Andy asked, seriously oblivious to what he was talking about. She was already trying to figure out if there was anything left that she really needed to finish or if it could be left until the morning.

"Had a 48-hour orgasm?" he said with a grin.

Rolling her eyes, Andy laughed. She started packing her stuff up quickly and shook her head. "If I knew the secret to having one of those, you think I'd still be here?"

"Touché," he said with a smile. "Don't have too much fun at your little slumber party tonight. It's a school night," he teased as they headed out of the outer office.

"Oh please, like Emily would ever do something so 'unprofessional'," Andy laughed. They walked towards the elevator banks together.

Nigel shrugged. "She did just invite you to hang out, sounds like you might have reminded her what the word fun means."

"Maybe," Andy said. "I'll let you know how it goes." She hit the down button.

"Alright then," Nigel said, as the doors opened. Andy stepped in, but Nigel didn't follow. "I still have some things to wrap up," he said. "Then it's time for little boys to be in bed."

Nodding, Andy pushed the button for the lobby. Before the doors had a chance to close, she shoved her hand between them to block them. "I am not a trollop!"

"We'll finish this conversation tomorrow, and you can try telling me that again," he said, smirking at her as she glared at him. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't seen Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead now is a great time to go check it out. 
> 
> Also, Chapter 2 movie night? Should I? Lemme know!
> 
> Quotes/References:
> 
> \- "Don't feel overwhelmed. Just do one thing at a time."  
> \- "Oh, how ya doin Mom? Yeah, no everything's fine. No, Mrs. Sturak's not here. She um, she went to the yarn store. Yeah, she's crocheting this massive doily for the couch! I... I gotta go Mom."  
> \- "I'm right on top of that, Rose" (shame on you if you've seen the movie and don't know *this* one!!)  
> \- name tags!  
> \- Cate Blanchett face up / "Mama Celeste face up, I go to work. Mama Celeste face down, you're selling carnations on a freeway ramp."  
> \- "Dishes are done"  
> \- moon goddess  
> \- 48-hour orgasm / Santa Barbra  
> \- Time for little boys to go to bed / Time for little trollops to go home


End file.
